


Flower Crown

by CrushingOnRazz



Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [7]
Category: Written in the Scars
Genre: 17+, F/F, F/M, Fast romance, Light Sexual Content, Love, Past Abuse, Soldiers AU, also im projecting a little, blue raspberry, by projecting everything i want to be as a person into blue?, clear sexual insinuations, fight me, halle is not related to them, hi where can i order the strength to make it through trauma?, it's like a cross between old english and old norse, its because shes strong enough to find her own, of course blue has a rough past when does she not, oh yeah razz is cis in this, okay awesome ill take two, romance from the beginning, who in the world knows what place this is supposed to be like, why do i always give this poor woman nothing but false power, you fool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushingOnRazz/pseuds/CrushingOnRazz
Summary: The first time Blue had been married, the crown atop her head had been made of gold.Now, Razz brushed a hair out of her face, smiling softly as he arranged the woven flowers atop her head. “You look like a princess,” he remarked, and the grin he gave her lit up her soul.A princess. A queen, in fact. Then, with hand-woven lace up to her throat, she had been a queen. Now, barefoot, clothed in a borrowed blue dress, she was something altogether more important.
Relationships: Halle/Cerulean, Razz/Blue - Relationship
Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743484
Kudos: 5





	1. Once a Queen

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings are spoiler-heavy, but this started as a very soft story and then refused to stay that way.

The first time Blue had been married, her dress had been so heavy her shoulders hurt by the end of the day. It had taken three months to make, the train stretching so far behind her that her servants had to carry it, folded, in their arms as she made her way to the church. The wedding had taken place in a grand chapel, the stained glass windows painting the crowd inside in a myriad of colors. A choir sang, and jewels decorated her neck, her wrists, her hair. She remembered glowing, feeling as though she might be a goddess of the old legends. The man at the end of the aisle, she had no feelings towards, but she’d expected as much. It hadn’t bothered her. If anything, she had been excited. 

The first time Blue had been married, the crown atop her head had been made of gold. 

Now, Razz brushed a hair out of her face, smiling softly as he arranged the woven flowers atop her head. “You look like a princess,” he remarked, and the grin he gave her lit up her soul. 

A princess. A queen, in fact. Then, with hand-woven lace up to her throat, she had been a queen. Now, barefoot, clothed in a borrowed blue dress, she was something altogether more important. 

“You look like you need to get dressed,” she teased, and he laughed. She admired the way his cheeks turned red as he looked at her, and she shook her head, reaching for his shirt and beginning to arrange the buttons. He had considered wearing his armor, as befitted his position in the royal guard, but she loved the way he looked in his white shirt, tucked carefully into his pants with his hair falling into his eyes. They weren’t having guests, after all, so there was no reason to consider rank or uniform. 

There was a knock at the door just as she finished with the last button, and she left him to answer it, greeting the priest who waited and stepping aside to allow him into the house. She heard Razz behind her, explaining the reason they had summoned the man, and she took a deep breath, pushing back some of the excitement rising up inside of her. 

“Oh!” she heard the priest say, and she turned around to see him glancing in her direction. He was an old and grizzled man, but from what Razz had said, a good one. The closest one, at least. 

Blue wasn’t sure where this sense of urgency was coming from, exactly. Something about the impending dread of feeling like she was living on borrowed time, she supposed, but Razz had been just as excited by the idea. He’d never wanted a big wedding, he’d said, though this was a bit smaller than even he had imagined. 

“We want to be married,” Razz repeated. “But we want to do it without a wedding. Now, here.” 

The priest turned, looking Blue squarely in the eye. “And you?” 

Last time, the priest had never even glanced in her direction, choosing instead to focus on the crowds behind her, hands raised above his head as he proclaimed to the kingdom that their king and their new queen were newly recognized by the gods to be joined together. For the good of the kingdom. 

“Yes. I’ve never wanted anything more.” 

“And do you have the ribbons?” The man seemed resigned. He probably assumed that there was a less-than-savory reason for the speed. That she was with child, that he was running from something, anything other than the simple truth. 

She knew Razz. She knew his kindness, the way he was so gentle with her, as though he believed her to be precious, the way he treated the children he met, the people he commanded, those he met on the streets and in the palace alike. 

Blue had never loved anyone more. 

Pulling the wedding ribbons from his pocket, Razz handed them over before extending a hand towards her. She couldn’t help but smile as she took it. 

“Today, we bind your hands,” the priest said, reaching to cross their wrists one over the other. As he spoke, he took the ribbon Razz had offered, lacing it between their fingers and hands in a practiced manner. “Like your hands, you are also bound as one before the gods. Your love for one another is represented before one called of them, and before each other. Do you promise, now and forever, to live by that binding?” He finished wrapping their hands, holding an end in each hand as he looked expectantly at Blue. 

“Yes,” she said, without a moment’s hesitation. 

Razz reached out, straightening the crown of flowers in her hair, fingers lighting under her chin. As their eyes met, she noticed tears beginning to well up in his. “Yes,” came his echo, and the priest tied the ends of the ribbon together tightly. 

“As the gods decree,” he murmured, then stepped back. “You may seal your marriage.” 

The fingers on her chin tightened, tipping her head back as she closed her eyes. Blue had never been kissed so gently as she was in that moment. Despite the softness of the action, it burned through her like wildfire, lighting her up to the tips of her fingers and making her smile against his lips. He pulled back slightly, a matching grin on his face, and she felt his hand turn in the ribbon, fingers clasping to hers. 

The first time she had been married didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was the glowing brightness of Razz’s eyes, the way she felt loved in the mere tone of his voice as he spoke her name. 

This was it. And this was all she really needed. 


	2. A Welcome Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The king’s wife of Holrfold,” Timothy said, still half-laughing, and Blue froze. “It’s been discovered that she wasn’t killed, and the king is on the edge of declaring war. Apparently, he believes we’ve taken her.” 

Blue was woken by an incessant pounding on the door, worming its way into her dreams and making her groan as she clutched tighter to Razz. He sighed, kissed her softly, then another round of knocking had him swearing under his breath, getting up despite her wordless protests.

Blinking as he lit a lantern, she watched him cross the room. Her eyes hooded, and her chest swelled as she looked at him. His hair was mussed, and as he struggled into a pair of pants, she let her eyes trail along the curves of his body. 

The person knocked again, and he called, “I’m coming, damn it! Give me a moment!” 

Blue laughed, snuggling deeper into the blankets. They really should have expected this. Razz was a captain, after all, and a well-loved one at that. It would have been almost more of a surprise for him to make it through a night without interruption. 

The door opened, and she shivered at the burst of cold that accompanied the guest. Timothy was shaking, saluted Razz quickly as he started to open his mouth, then did a double-take. Blue gave him a little wave, trying to hide her grin. They hadn’t told anyone about this, had actively hidden it during the weeks they were just lovers. She’d never admit it, but she’d been looking forward to this revelation. 

“I...Blue?” 

“Eyes on me,” Razz said bluntly, and Timothy snapped back to him. 

“Uh… the… the queen has summoned all of her captains for a meeting.” 

“Why?” 

Blue sat up, wrapping herself in one of the furs and watching the exchange with interest. 

“I’m… I’m sorry, Lieutenant,” Timothy said to her, blinking awkwardly. “I’m only supposed to tell the captains and their families.”

“Timothy,” she said, fingering lightly at the wedding ribbon they had tied to the bedpost. They were a tradition unique to this kingdom, used in the ceremony of marriage, sure, but also unique in their construction. They could only be woven by one of the blessed seers of the royal court, and were made specifically for each couple that asked for them. The designs within were used for family crests, decorations in houses, the tattoos that spouses would get to fully solidify their marriage. They were easily recognizable, though, for the cloth they were woven from, and Timothy’s face cleared immediately. 

“ _Oh_.” A huge grin cropped across his face, and he crossed the room quickly, clasping her hand. “Married?! Why did you keep it from--” 

Razz was staring at Timothy incredulously, and Blue laughed, pulling her hand away and nodding down at herself. “It was only last evening, Timothy. We didn’t want any guests.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us that you--” 

“Timothy,” she stage-whispered. “I’m still naked.”

He flushed bright red, glancing at Razz's disbelieving expression and taking a step back but still unable to keep a grin off his face. “Ha! Halle owes me gold. I knew there was something going on between the two of you.” 

“Halle didn’t?” she asked, smiling softly. 

Timothy grinned, turning and gripping Razz’s bare shoulder. “She thought you had higher standards than this lout.” 

Razz shrugged him off, looking a little put out as Blue laughed. “Care to tell me why the queen demands I interrupt my wedding night?”

“The king’s wife of Holrfold,” Timothy said, still half-laughing, and Blue froze. “It’s been discovered that she wasn’t killed, and the king is on the edge of declaring war. Apparently, he believes we’ve taken her.” 

No. No, no, no. The greatest relief of Blue’s life had been the day she’d received that news. The king thought his queen was dead. She had died _years_ ago, how could he possibly know--

“Our queen has no need of a wife,” Razz said, disbelievingly. “What reason would Ljosvollr have to take her? It’s been nearly five years, if it was for ransom--”

“I don’t know, but I’m glad she has hope,” Timothy said with passion. 

Ljosvollr and Holrfold had a long history of hate and war, each side committing their own grievous sins over the course of time. Blue had been raised to hate this country and its people. But she’d quickly noticed, upon escaping here, that they and she had one very big thing in common. They truly hated the king of Holrfold. 

Razz looked doubtful. “I had hoped she had found peace,” he said, reaching up to rub his face. Seeming to remember she was there, he looked back at Blue. “Have you heard the stories?” 

Unable to speak, she just shook her head. 

“She was a sad thing, the poor woman. The advisors and diplomats always used to say how small she was, too nervous to speak at times. She had scars and brands the likes of which they’d never seen on a person who was still sane, and they were always under the impression that the king had done it.” 

“Once,” Timothy said, “he apparently slapped her in a room full of our advisors. The queen! And she just took it, didn’t say a word.” 

Nodding slowly, Blue looked down at her lap. She could still feel the humiliation of it, the powerlessness of knowing he wasn’t even afraid to hurt her in front of strangers from another kingdom. The brands under her skin burned, healed away like a map of shame under her skin. “I hope she’s somewhere safe,” she said quietly.

“Did you ever meet her?” Timothy asked. “You worked in a lord’s house in Holrfold, didn’t you?” 

Razz smacked him, but Blue laughed shortly. “Once or twice.” 

“The queen is expecting me, yes? Do you need to deliver your message any further?” Razz went to the dresser, pulled on a shirt. Blue held out a beckoning hand, helping him button the front as he pulled on his shoes. 

“No,” Timothy said, averting his eyes as Blue’s blanket slipped a little. She pulled it back into place, pressed a kiss to Razz’s cheek as he started to stand. 

“Go back to sleep,” he murmured. “I’ll be back soon enough.” 

She knew he was right. The queen held power over time, such as she’d never seen before. When they had been equals, she’d experienced it for herself more than once. Entering a meeting with the sun high in the sky, spending the whole evening in her company and, impossibly, emerging within an hour. Without the limits of distance and number, it could have proved to be something truly terrifying in an enemy. 

Now that she was a lieutenant in the queen’s army, however she carried the same pride they all did in her power. 

Razz and Timothy left, leaving her in darkness as they took the lantern. She waited a few moments, then laid back down, propping her arm up against her pillow and staring at it for a long moment. Then, slowly, she let her magic run up her arm, dancing lights peeking through her skin and making their way like leaves in the wind up to the tips of her fingers. 

The king knew she was alive.

She had been a fool to hope. She’d known she had. It had just been so tiresome, always being worried, always looking over her shoulder with nothing to protect her. Ah, well, she thought, extinguishing the lights. 

Blue was more than prepared to protect herself, now.

~~~

When she woke again, she wasn’t totally sure why. The room was still quiet, and it took her a long moment to realize that something was lighting the room from the corner of her eye. She blinked, looked up to see Razz leaning back against the door with the lantern in his hand. He was watching her softly, the expression on his face inscrutable. 

She was afraid, for a moment, that he knew. 

Then his face cleared, and he smiled. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as he crossed the room, set the lantern on the table as he leaned up to kiss her. “Did I wake you?” 

“I think so, but I don’t mind,” she replied. “Why were you just watching me?” 

“You’re beautiful,” he said, kissed her again and brushed her hair out of her face. “You looked so peaceful, and I must admit to enjoying the sight of you in my bed.” 

She took the kiss, returned it with her own, smiled as she felt his hand lighting under the blanket to spread his fingers over her stomach. They broke apart, and he grinned, asking quietly, “Do you think you should take those herbs?”

“I suppose,” she said, smiling. “I should be blessed to have a child with you, Razz.” 

“Today?” he asked, and she laughed. 

“Perhaps not today.” 

Laughing, he let himself fall heavily forward, trapping her sideways as he reached under the bed. She snorted, trying unsuccessfully to push him off until he sat up. There was a packet of dried herbs and seeds in his hand, one of a few that the priest who had married them had pressed into her hand. “If you aren’t already,” he’d quietly said. “Give it time.” 

Blue took the packet, peering inside and spotting a few plants she recognized. One of them peeked up at her like an old friend, and she smiled sadly. “Queen Anne’s Lace.” 

“You’re familiar?” Razz asked, finger coming up to light under her chin. She smiled at it, the hurt in her soul almost too well-known. 

“All too much.” 

Razz only knew that she came from a place of horrors, and that she didn’t want to tell him more. When he’d found her, on the side of the road wrapped in her dead servant’s coat, she’d claimed to be a maid fleeing her master. He’d never had reason to question it. 

Suddenly, she grinned, setting the packet on the bedside table and cupping his face. “There are still hours left in this night. Is there any reason I may want to wait a few of them before I take these?” 

It took him a moment, but he burst into laughter as he realized what she meant. He sat up, smiling at her. “We leave with the company tomorrow, my love. Perhaps we _should_ make use of this time.” 

She took a deep breath, leaning up to unbutton his shirt. “So soon. Has the war started, then?” 

“No,” he murmured. “We’re to patrol the western shore for two weeks. The queen wants us to present a strong front, and to keep watch for the ships of Holrfold.” 

Her hands slipped beneath his open shirt, smoothing along the skin of his waist as she accepted a kiss. “May I come with you as your wife? Spend my time sewing on the back of a horse, demand your soldiers bend to my whims?” 

“Of course not,” he snorted. “Don’t think you’re getting out of your duties just because you’ve found your way into my bed, temptress.” 

“Ah, so you’ve caught me!” she exclaimed dramatically, and he chuckled, kissing her again and following her forward as she lay back. 

“I hope that you won’t cease trying to influence me.”

“You _are_ very easy to influence,” she commented, and felt his mouth go to her neck. “Will I still have to sleep in the Lieutenant’s tent?” 

“Mmm…” he hesitated, pursed his lips in thought. “I don’t want to appear biased.” 

“You _are_ biased.” 

“I suppose I could allow it, if it pleases my wife.” Blue grinned at him, watched as he moved the furs she was covered in to the side. 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” 


	3. Forty Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She truly was a blessed woman, stared into his honey-brown eyes for a beat too long. “You may,” she said laughingly, then let him pull her into his arms, kissed him soundly on the lips. “And every night thereafter, i should think. You should probably announce your marriage to your company, Captain, so that no one thinks you’re some kind of rogue.”

Blue patted her horse’s neck, looking around guiltily before slipping him a slice of apple. He lipped at her hand, seeming very pleased with the treat as she grinned. His name was Bones, and it was _not_ an apt description. All of the horses in this country were hardy and beautiful, very much at odds with the blocks of muscle she had grown up with, but Bones reminded her a lot of a childhood horse she’d had by the same name. 

Pulling her quiver from her back, she slipped it into the saddle’s straps, tightening them quickly. She reached back for her bow, jumped about a foot as someone seized her wrist. Her sleeve was yanked down, exposing the newly tattooed symbol on her wrist, the one that matched the pattern of the ribbon still tied to Razz’s bed, with blue ink that carried a universal meaning through this country. They had gotten them done this morning, since there would be very little opportunity in the coming weeks. 

“See?!” Timothy cried, brandishing her tattoo towards Halle. “Now pay up!” 

Halle scoffed, taking her arm to inspect it for herself. “I think you’re both trying to worm my money from my hands. There is no proof!” 

“Is this about Razz?” Blue asked, but they just kept arguing over the top of her. 

Timothy waved a finger in Halle’s face. “There is proof enough! She wouldn’t get a binding tattoo for the sake of twenty gold!”

“You bet her twenty gold?!” Blue exclaimed in disbelief, but Timothy waved her off. 

“It’s forty, but twenty would be half.” 

“Forty! I swear, the two of you will have nothing left in your pockets if you don’t stop competing!” She shook her head, yanking back her arm. 

“Ah, but you’ll keep us in furs, with your captain’s pay,” Timothy grinned, waggling his brows and receiving a whack on the arm from Halle. 

Blue scoffed. “I have my own pay, Timothy, and I certainly won’t be sharing it with the likes of you!” 

Before he could come up with a good retort, Halle spoke up, physically shifting him to one side in order to look at Blue. “You can’t possibly be married to him, Blue, you don’t even love him!” Blue winced, remembering a conversation of a few weeks past where she had confirmed that very thing. She had been trying to convince herself, disgusted with her own weakness in falling for the man who had given her everything. 

“Ah, you’d best just pay him, Halle. It’s true.” 

Halle scoffed, looking at her in disbelief for a long moment. Apparently finding no deceit in her expression, she yanked her coinpurse from her belt, beginning to fling individual coins at Timothy. “Why did you lie?”

“I wasn’t lying, Halle.” She hated the hurt in the other’s eyes. Halle was her closest friend, outside of Razz. They had shared a home since the other had come to king’s town, up until, well… last night, she supposed. Neither of them were free with information about their pasts, but they trusted each other. She’d never meant to betray that. Her voice went quieter, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. “I just… didn’t know it myself, then. You know how it is, Halle, giving yourself over to a man. Trusting him, and trusting yourself to know what you’re actually willing to give up.” 

“No, actually, I don't. I never will, and that was _three weeks ago_ , Blue. In three weeks, you’ve made that decision?”

“In two. That’s all it takes sometimes. Especially when I’ve known him for so long.” 

Halle threw the rest of the money at Timothy in a handful, leaning against Bones and looking at Blue in concern. “Did he explain that in Ljosvollr, marriage is--”

“Binding. I know.” Blue smiled to herself, brushing a clump of dust off Bones’s flank. When Razz had come to her, she’d been terrified. His profession of love had scared her, and she’d pushed him away, refused to even look at him, pretending the hurt on his face didn’t cause her pain. 

She’d been afraid that he thought she owed him something, even after all these years. Angry that that _had_ to be the reason her heart would pound as he approached, her breath coming short and her eyes drawn to his. She didn’t want to fall in love with her rescuer. 

It’d been only a few weeks before she realized that wasn’t the reason at all. Blue had fallen in love with the man himself, so deeply and truly it was taking over her soul. She looked back, met Halle’s gaze and softly smiled. “I’m happy to be bound to him.” 

“He is a good man,” Timothy murmured, tucking the last of the coins into his pockets. 

“The best,” Halle said. “But… still, could you have not waited? You’ve never been the sort.”

“We haven’t been lovers for long, but he’s been my friend even longer than I’ve known the two of you! I don’t need to wait to find out how he’ll treat me, or how he’d raise our children, or anything about him when I already know everything important! He makes me so happy, Halle, absolutely fills my life with joy. Would you delay, if you could feel this love burning through you like the _gods_ themselves are--” She cut herself off as their brows raised, realizing her voice was swelling with passion. Dropping her arms with a huff, she got her tone under control. “He’s kind and wonderful, and fear stopped me from realizing I loved him for far too long already. Why would I wait when I already know?”

“Are you pregnant?” Halle asked, and it was Timothy’s turn to smack her. 

“No!” Blue protested, folding her arms with a huff. “If I was pregnant, you think I would be traveling by horse?” 

“Maybe if you don’t want him to know yet?” 

“I’m not pregnant! We hadn’t even--” She cut herself off, scoffed at their expressions. “That is none of your business. The captain and I will worry about it _ourselves_ , if and when we decide to have children.” 

“What? You hadn’t slept together?” Halle scoffed. “Blue, you’re not exactly a beacon of purity, you’re telling me you waited until your wedding night?” 

Not sure how to respond, she just stared at the two of them for a long moment until Timothy suddenly gasped, leaning in conspiratorially. “You can’t possibly be saying that the _captain_ \--”

“Lieutenant,” said a voice from behind them, making all three of them jump and spin around to face the man. He was one of Halle’s, holding the reins of her horse and looking between the three of them curiously. Halle thanked him quickly, waiting for him to leave before double-checking the ties on the saddle. 

Blue swung onto Bones as Halle mounted her own horse, grinning down at Timothy. “What, messenger, no steed?”

“My _steed_ is fine, excuse me for not having my men at my beck and call. What, Halle, you rise in the ranks and forget how to put on a saddle?” He was the son of her mother’s cousin, which was probably the only thing saving him from receiving a beating from her on a daily basis. Blue was nearing her six-month mark of lieutenancy, but Halle had recently been promoted to the rank, her rise faster than even Razz had achieved when he had joined the royal guard. She may have been invited into the company on Timothy’s recommendation, but she was fast proving her capabilities.

“How about you mount up so I can show you why I save my energy!” Halle shot back, attempting to kick him from her saddle. Timothy danced out of the way, laughing, then waved them off. 

“Well, should we report in?” Blue asked, and Halle laughed, settling more comfortably and following as Blue led them to the group of soldiers gathering at the base of king’s hill. 

Razz had command over about a hundred soldiers, with four lieutenants over five seconds, and Timothy’s small company of messengers. Blue could see him, off his horse and helping one of the men fix his saddle. He laughed at something the man said, and she smiled softly to herself, ignoring Halle’s raised brow. Razz looked up as they approached, smiling at them and nodding to accept their salutes as the man he’d been helping walked away. 

“My twenty-five are outfitted and prepared,” Blue said, her horse shifting in place. She rubbed the side of its neck, turning to Halle. 

“I report twenty-four,” she said wryly. “The short notice found Karlen in a tavern, and he’s rotting in a cell. I figured he could wait until our return for me to find my keys.” 

Razz laughed. “I’d say that’s a reasonable conclusion. Do you have a replacement in mind, or should we press on?” 

“Press on, I should think. He’s capable of resuming his duties after a few nights of thought. And, Captain?” she smiled. “I hear congratulations are in order.” 

It took him a moment, then he grinned, inclined his head and glanced up at Blue. “Thank you, Halle. When will your men be ready to ride?” 

“Within the hour,” Halle said, and Blue nodded. 

“The same for mine. Have we heard from Robyn and Adrian?” 

“Robyn is still preparing her soldiers, and Adrian had to round one of his up from a house not belonging to her wife. I expect he’ll be reporting her inability to join us soon enough. Was there anything else to report?”

“No, Captain.” they said in unison. Blue found herself distracted by the curve of his shoulder, getting a strong urge to dismount and press her lips to the dip of his collarbone. 

“Halle, you’re dismissed,” he said, pulling her back to reality. “Blue, would you mind joining me?” 

Halle laughed in a manner that would have had her disciplined by any other captain, but as it was, Razz just slapped her horse’s flank, sending her riding off in the direction of her command. 

“Timothy told her?” Razz asked quietly as Blue dismounted, and she nodded. 

“That bet of theirs. Are we hiding it? I’m sure if they were told to, they would keep their own council.” 

“Blue,” he said, picking up her hand and pressing a soft kiss to her gloved fingers. “I would be unable to hide this any longer even if I wanted to, and I do not want to. May I expect you to stay with me tonight?” 

She truly was a blessed woman, stared into his honey-brown eyes for a beat too long. “You may,” she said laughingly, then let him pull her into his arms, kissed him soundly on the lips. “And every night thereafter, i should think. You should probably announce your marriage to your company, captain, so that no one thinks you’re some kind of rogue.” 

“I am very roguish,” he said jokingly, and she snorted, accepting another kiss. 

“Was there anything else?” 

“No, my love. Make sure your men are ready to go, we’ll leave in about an hour.” 

“Yes, _captain_ ,” she breathed, quite in the same way she had spoken the night before. 

He inhaled sharply, and she grinned at the sight of the blood rushing to his face. Starting to lean forward, he was brought up short by her hand on his chest, seeming to realize quite suddenly how many people were glancing in their direction. When he spoke, his voice was an octave higher than it had been the moment before.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to say it like that, Lieutenant.” 


	4. Token of Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The servants used to come to her with their sick children, beg her to heal them. Often, she couldn’t fix them entirely, but she could soothe their aches and pains, make them a little less scared. She would usually just heal herself, smooth down scars and take away the stinging pain of the king’s brands. There wasn’t often he’d let her get rid of them all, but she would do what she could. Sometimes, trapped beneath his hands, she would try desperately to heal him of whatever horrible spirit had invaded his soul to make him the way he was. 

Blue had been a child, when the magic showed itself in her. She’d been playing, just kids on a field of grass, chasing each other in circles. She hadn’t quite been fast enough, couldn’t quite catch the others, and she'd fallen, hard, burst into tears at the pain in her knees. Her father had run to her side, kissed her scrapes and smoothed her hair, and she remembered being confused by the tears in his eyes. 

“Why are you sad?” she’d asked. 

“You’re blessed,” he’d replied. “Blessed by the gods.” 

She'd realized, suddenly, that her knees no longer hurt. When she'd looked down, the scrapes and cuts had entirely disappeared.

Those with magic were those that ruled the kingdoms. The kings, the queens, the generals and ladies. The gods chose who was right, and sent them where they were meant to go, and where they were meant to go was almost never with the families they had been born to. 

Blue had never been meant to be a queen. Her powers weren’t for fighting, not for diplomacy or finances. She had always been a comforter. 

She could make light, dancing along her fingers. There was the soft warmth she could summon, and she could alter hers and other's appearances. Most of all, though, she was a healer. 

That had been the power of most use to a queen in her position. 

The servants used to come to her with their sick children, beg her to heal them. Often, she couldn’t fix them entirely, but she could soothe their aches and pains, make them a little less scared. She would usually just heal herself, smooth down scars and take away the stinging pain of the king’s brands. There wasn’t often he’d let her get rid of them all, but she would do what she could. Sometimes, trapped beneath his hands, she would try desperately to heal him of whatever horrible spirit had invaded his soul to make him the way he was. 

She hadn’t been able to save her only friend, something that haunted her to this day. Her handmaiden, a woman named Charity whose soul echoed the name. She’d been the one that had gotten Blue out, a woman brave enough to steal a queen, strong enough to not even cry out as an arrow pierced her back. 

Blue had reached for her, magic already sparking in her fingertips but _knowing,_ just already… there was nothing she could have done. She’d known that. Charity had known that. 

So she had sat back a little further, let the arrow pierce her heart and left Blue with nothing to do but run. It was still hard to believe that she’d made it. Stealing a boat, crossing the river, stumbling up onto dry land and falling to her knees. She’d barely known what to do, and all she could think of was that she _couldn’t_ be recognized. 

Her eyes had found a flower, half-buried under the grass, whose petals were the color of the ocean, and everything went Blue. 

Days of walking, not having anything to eat, and knowing there was no one to help her for at least another week. Ljosvollr was famously empty, all the people gathered at the center of the land, and she was so close to the edge. 

She had been pretty sure she was going to die. She’d even been okay with that, accepted it right up until the sound of hoofbeats and--

“Are you okay?”

Jumping, Blue looked back to see Razz standing behind her. There was concern in his eyes, and he took her hand softly. She nodded, laughing dryly and gesturing at a hollowed-out stump by the side of the road, much more decrepit than she remembered it being so many years ago. 

“I think I slept there, one of the nights that I--” She cut herself off, shaking her head and turning back to face him. “I thought you were all so imposing, up there on your horses. Now I know that all soldiers are fools.” 

“Including you?” he asked, the humor in his eyes not doing much to hide the pity that he knew she hated. 

“ _Especially_ me.” she said with passion, forcing a laugh. Then she turned, gesturing to where her men were setting up for the night. “They haven’t been fed yet, and here I am, staring at a tree.” 

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and she gave him a look, knowing he had better things to be doing with his time than caring for her. 

“Will you ever…” he stopped, shook himself and smiled. “Will you join me tonight?”

The question he’d stopped was one he’d asked before. He already knew the answer, but she murmured it anyway. “My past is my own. I don’t want to remember it, and I don’t want you to see me differently. But yes.” Blue shot him a grin. “I will join you tonight.” 

Razz laughed, leaning forward to kiss her cheek, then turning as someone called for him from across the field. She assumed he had left, jumped again as he cupped her face. He opened his mouth, then hesitated. 

“You’ll be in my thoughts, then,” he finally said, and she laughed, leaning down to pick one of the blue flowers that dotted the entire landscape of this beautiful country. She tucked it behind his ear, grinning widely at the picture he made. 

“Token of my favor. Until tonight.” 

~~~

Blue ducked through the flap of Razz’s tent, setting down her bags in the corner his didn’t fill. He wasn’t here yet, but the women posted at his door (a pair from Halle’s command, she thought) hadn’t blinked an eye as she stepped past. Word must have traveled quickly of their marriage the past few days, many of the soldiers under her charge clasping her hands as she walked by to murmur a congratulations. This was the first night she had stayed the night with him, though, her duties keeping her up late enough she had just crashed on the ground with her soldiers.

Grinning to herself as she sat on the pile of furs and feathers that made up his bed, she started to unlace her boots. Being a first lieutenant wasn’t without its perks, the semi-privacy and protection from the elements that a shared tent provided being invaluable after being a foot soldier for so long. But Razz was a captain. He was afforded privileges she had only been able to dream of, not the least of which was the tradition of many soldiers carrying an extra blanket for their captain. 

The people of Ljosvollr called it good luck, but up until this moment, she’d always thought it was foolish.

She placed her shoes next to her bags, then reached inside for her bow, polishing the smooth wood and checking the draw of the string. Relaxing, she unstrung the weapon, laying it carefully over the bags and starting to unclasp her armor before the flap lifted again. 

Razz smiled tiredly as he saw her, letting the tent fall closed behind him as he leaned in for a kiss. Quickly, she returned it, watching him with soft happiness as he sat beside her and began to unbutton his shirt. When he had it loosened, he tugged it over his head, leaning forward and tucking it carefully into his bags, glancing over his shoulder at her explosion of breath. 

“What?” 

Without a word, she came up onto her knees, smoothing her hands over his spine and following the lines of his back. He sighed as she pressed softly with her thumbs, soothing the knots that had formed in his shoulders. “We’re almost there,” she murmured, pressing a kiss just below his ear. 

“One more day of travel,” he sighed. “Then two weeks of patrols.” 

“The patrols are always easier, my love. At least, easier to command.” She kissed him again, guided him back to sit beside her in the nest of blankets. 

“Not for you,” he remarked dryly, turning against her hands and twining their fingers together. “You must be tired, all the riding back and forth you had to do today.” 

“Abel will be the death of me,” she laughed, naming the second that gave her the most trouble. 

“He is a good man,” Razz said. 

“A very good man.” Blue kissed him, then pulled away, finishing removing her armor and laying it in front of her as she reached into her bags for the oil she always rubbed into the leather. A soldier should know to care first for their horse, then for their weapon and armor, and only then for themselves. Razz’s rank afforded him armor of chainmail, and she knew from her years serving in his company that it was hung from a pole of his tent. It had to be cared for much less frequently than the leather, but she never would have sacrificed the freedom of movement. Razz thought she was crazy, but Razz didn’t know that there were few injuries she couldn’t heal on her own body. 

Beginning her routine, she could feel his eyes on her. “You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?” he remarked, and she laughed, turning the brace in her hands to get the back. 

“A long way from battered and weak-willed?” 

“You’ve certainly never been either,” he said, and she felt his fingers working softly under the hem at her back, tracing the skin under her shirt. “I meant as a soldier. I remember the day you told me you wanted to learn.” 

“You laughed at me,” she said dryly, looking back as he hugged her from behind. 

“Can you blame me?” 

She thought back, remembered the shivering woman who had stood in front of him in the training yard. A cleaning maid, far fallen from anything she’d been but with so much more hope. He’d been the one to employ her, a lieutenant at the time, having her clean up after his soldiers until the moment she’d gotten brave enough to ask if she might become one of them. “No. But I’ve worked hard.” 

Drawing her into his bare chest, he held her tightly. “You have. You always do.” 

“I thought you were soft,” she commented, concentrating on her armor. “That you let your soldiers walk all over you.” 

“I am soft,” he hummed, and he felt his grin against her skin as he kissed a place on her neck that she knew was sweaty and disgusting from the day’s riding. “That doesn’t mean I’m weak.” 

“I know the respect you have, now.” She laughed as he kissed the same place again, looking over her shoulder at him. “You don’t have to kiss me, love, I know that I need a bath.” 

“If a little dirt could dissuade me from any part of you, we should never have married,” he murmured, already kissing another piece of her skin. She sighed, feeling him lay back and lift her shirt to mark a trail with his lips. Going back to work on her armor, she was soothed by their comfortable rhythm. Eventually, he ceased the kisses, letting go of her shirt and burying his face against her waist. Just as she set aside the last piece, one of the door guards smacked the flap of the tent. 

“Messenger for you, Captain.” 

“Come in,” Razz said with a groan, sitting up as the tent’s flap was pushed aside. 

“Three of the lieutenants report their men settled, sir, but I cannot find--” the man seemed to notice Blue for the first time, and he blinked. “Lieutenant.” 

“My men are settled, as well,” Blue said, and Razz laughed under his breath. 

“Thank you, Jacob. Is there any more news?”

The man flushed brightly at Blue’s smile and glanced between them. “No, Captain. Are you…”

“Can you please relay to the lieutenant’s men that if they wish to contact her, to direct themselves to…” he looked at her, and she spoke directly to the man. 

“Still to me. Tell them to send a messenger if they cannot come themselves.” The man nodded, excusing himself from the tent, and Razz gave her a questioning glance. 

“I had hoped we could spend the night without interruptions.” 

“My soldiers know where I am,” she said with a soft smile. “And my Seconds are more than capable. If an issue arises they need my assistance with, it will be something only I can do. This company needs to keep turning, no matter my time spent with you.” 

He huffed, but nodded, returning to his task and placing kisses to her hip. Smiling, Blue turned to him, drawing him up for a real kiss and running her hands over his bare skin. “There is still no privacy, Razz.” 

“And yet my self-control wanes with each day away from you,” he breathed, then laughed. “I’m not a fool. I just wish very much to hold you. Perhaps receive a kiss or two, if you’re willing.” 

She smiled, thumbed carefully at his cheek. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Grinning, he wrapped his arms around her, stole a kiss, then another. “Will you lay with me?” 

“I will. Let me finish getting ready for bed.” 

Razz nodded, kicking off his shoes and crawling into the nest. Blue smiled after him, fixated just for a moment. He was a beautiful man, well-muscled and with hair in the sort of waves bards wrote ballads about, wonderful to look at and even better to speak with. There was so much kindness in him, impossibly much with a world so cruel. He smiled as she watched him, and she found herself entranced. “Blue, as much as I enjoy admiring you from afar, I’d much rather find you beside me.” 

She smiled at the not-so-subtle push to hurry up, leaned over to kiss him deeply. “Falling asleep in your arms? What else could a woman dream of?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: narrative discussion of previous abuse
> 
> also jesus christ that ending is corny lmfao


	5. Alive After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Blue!” 
> 
> Jumping at Halle’s shout, Blue jogged to join them, starting to open her mouth to ask what was going on before she caught sight of the now-unconscious woman. 
> 
> For a long moment, she could do nothing but stare at the picture-perfect copy of Charity’s face. 

“What was the queen’s name?” 

Blue jumped, looked up at Halle in consternation. They were eating dinner, a little away from the main group of the soldiers. They had arrived at the shores earlier that day, and once they had their men settled, Halle had found her, asked her to make a quick escape so they could have a moment of silence to themselves. The other lieutenants would probably join them before too long, and Blue was surprised Halle had spoken at all. They usually spent their time alone together in comfortable silence. Blue usually appreciated it.

“You don’t know your own queen’s name?” 

“Not… oh, c’mon, you know what I meant,” Halle said, annoyed. “The lost queen. The one they thought was dead. Timothy said you met her.” 

“Oh. Haemina,” she said quietly. “Haemina Light-Bringer.” 

“What was she like?” 

“I don’t know,” she said, not liking this conversation. “Like they say, she seemed quiet. A little afraid of everything. I only met her a few times, and I was a servant.” 

“Hm. I don’t have much respect for a woman who can’t protect herself from a man who thinks he has the right to hurt her,” Halle said, words hitting Blue each like a punch to the stomach. 

“And how much do you know about my past, Halle?” she asked, voice going hard. “Sometimes a woman doesn’t have a choice.” 

Halle blinked, looking at her in confusion. “Of course I didn’t mean you.” 

“You can be a real asshole, sometimes,” Blue said, picking up a piece of fruit and shoving it into her mouth. She knew Halle didn’t mean to be cruel, usually, but she said what was on her mind. Sometimes what was on her mind was more awful-sounding than she meant it to be. 

“I’ve been hurt, too, Blue. We all have. You got away, I fucking killed the guy, what does this queen do? Fake her death? Come back years later and spark a war?”

Blue opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, someone sat heavily on her other side. She looked up to see Adrian, a huge, imposing man that was absolutely terrifying until the moment he opened his mouth. “I think she must have been doing the best she could,” he said, and Blue nodded. 

“You’ve never been taken advantage of like that, Adrian. Or you, Halle.” That was Robyn, the last of the lieutenants, sitting on Halle’s other side. “Being a woman in Holrfold is something you can’t imagine until you’ve experienced it.”

“They don’t allow women into their armies, do they?” Halle asked, and Robyn shook her head. She had immigrated across the water around the same time as Blue, but had thankfully been a woman who had never met the queen. Blue didn’t know much about her, only that she had hair almost as brightly colored red as her own was blue and that she had a brother serving in a different company. 

“No. The general has been a woman, once or twice, but it’s rare, and only when she has magic very well-suited to the job.” 

“That’s right, their leaders are all blessed too, aren’t they? Instead of just the queen and her children?” 

“Yes,” Blue said. “All of the court. There’s much more of it there. It’s thought not to be passed down on the other side of the water, just a gift from the gods.” 

“What are the king and queen’s powers in Holrfold?” 

Blue imagined, for a moment, holding up a hand and letting the lights dance over her fingers, just to see the expressions on their faces. 

“I think the queen was some kind of a healer,” Robyn said thoughtfully. “I remember my father taking my sister to her when she was younger. She left with this horrible cough, came back with nothing. The healers had told us that she was lost within the month, and she was still alive when I left. I’m not sure about the--” 

“The king was a firemaster,” Blue said quietly. “Is a firemaster, I mean. The queen could warm people like a hug, but he could set things alight with a snap of his fingers.” 

They were all silent for a long moment, then Adrian murmured, “I had heard that the queen was often seen branded. Do you think--” 

“Is that a person?” Robyn asked, and they all looked at her in confusion. She pointed, and, following her finger, Blue caught sight of a distant figure, moving slowly along the coast. Setting aside her dinner, she climbed to her feet, peering into the distance. 

The figure slowly solidified into the outline of a stumbling woman, wrapped in a blue cloak. Beside Blue, Halle shot up to stand, beginning to jog in the woman’s direction as they watched. They saw her put out her hands, speaking for a moment before the woman half-fell into her arms. 

“Blue!” 

Jumping at Halle’s shout, Blue jogged to join them, starting to open her mouth to ask what was going on before she caught sight of the now-unconscious woman. 

For a long moment, she could do nothing but stare at the picture-perfect copy of Charity’s face. 

~~~

“Wh-where am I?”

The woman’s voice was shaking, and Blue and Halle both jumped, Blue stepping back out of sight in the same moment that Halle rushed forward. They were in the lieutenant’s tent, the woman having been gently tucked into Halle’s own cot. She had been freezing cold, shaking even in her sleep as the four of them tried to wake her up. Adrian and Robyn had left just moments ago, needing to tend to the soldiers, but Blue couldn’t bring herself to leave. She had a feeling she might know who this was. 

“You’re in Ljosvollr. We’re lieutenants of the queen’s army, and we’re here to take care of you,” Halle murmured, and the woman sat up all at once. She almost immediately fell back into the blankets, only saved by Halle’s reflexes. 

“Blue,” she said, gesturing towards the cup of water sitting beside the bed. “Hand that to me, please.” 

The woman looked back over her shoulder, freezing as she and Blue made abrupt eye contact. Blue felt her soul shrivel a little in fear, but fetched the cup, pressing it into her hands as Halle asked, “What is your name?” 

“I-I…” 

“We mean you no harm,” Blue said quietly, and the woman’s eyes narrowed in a wordless accusation. 

“My name is Cerulean.” 

She had been right, then. Blue had only met Charity’s sister a few times, but Charity had spoken of her often. They had planned to bring her with them, had only left her behind when they realized the guards had found them missing much sooner than they’d anticipated. It would have been so much more dangerous to go to her, then, no matter how much it had hurt Charity to leave her. 

Blue had sent her a letter, when she’d found the money for it here. It had been stupid, reckless and dangerous, but she just...couldn’t let her think her sister had abandoned her. Not when Charity had been the only part of Blue’s life that brought her joy.

“Cerulean, she speaks the truth,” Halle murmured, encouraging the other to drink the water they’d given her. “We won’t hurt you. Are you from Holrfold?” 

“Yes,” she said, still looking at Blue. “Blue, huh? To match the color of your hair?” 

Blue said nothing for a long moment, all too aware of Halle’s eyes on her. “I suppose so.” 

“I remember meeting you, once. At the palace,” Cerulean whispered, and Blue closed her eyes. 

“Halle, can you please--”

“My sister loved you,” she said, and Blue’s heart ached. “She loved you, and she died for you, and you’re just…  _ here?  _ ” 

Halle blinked, looking between them, and Blue tried again. “Halle, please leave us.”

“You know her?” she asked, seeming confused, then shocked as Blue’s eyes welled with tears. “Whoa, hey, are you--” 

“ _ Please,  _ ” she said, and covered her eyes. She had never let Halle see her cry, not even once. If she found out… the fear, the guilt, the anger and sadness and absolute terror, they were all welling up within her, rising to a peak as Halle took her free hand, starting to speak before Cerulean beat her to it. 

“She doesn’t know, does she?” 

All at once, Blue pushed Halle away, shoving her across the tent and through the flap. Confused, Halle tried to push back, but Blue held up a hand, trying to warn her away with her eyes. “Just let me speak to her.” 

The other hesitated, then nodded. “I’ll tell the captain she’s here.” 

Oh, god. “Give me five minutes, first.” 

It was altogether unlike Halle, not to ask questions, but to Blue’s absolute surprise, she just nodded. Blue dipped her head in thanks, still biting back tears, then turned around, letting the flap fall closed behind her. 

“So, Haemina Light-Bringer,” Cerulean spat, slowly standing up and lifting her chin. “You’re alive after all.” 


	6. Charity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue shifted, and Halle finally seemed to focus on her. Faster than she could really comprehend, the other’s eyes hardened. 

Blue didn’t know what to say for a long time, the two of them just looking at each other until finally, she asked, “Are you hurt?” 

“What, are you going to heal me? Make everything better?” 

“No, Cerulean,” she said tiredly. “I’m going to heal you so that you can stand without shaking.” 

The other glared at her, then sighed, falling back to the cot. “I’m just cold. Hungry and tired, but mostly cold.” 

“I can help with that, too,” she murmured, stepping forward and reaching for magic she hardly ever touched anymore. Hesitantly, Cerulean let her take her hands, sighing as warmth lit its way through her body. 

“This makes up for nothing,” she said, and Blue nodded. She knew that. 

“What are you doing here?”

“They came for me,” Cerulean whispered. “They found out that Charity was my sister, and they came to me to ask where  _ you  _ had gone. They… they found plans, a paper that the two of you had made. Something that had my name on it.” 

Inwardly, she cursed herself. They thought they had hidden it well enough, half-burned and buried. There hadn’t been time to go back for them, nothing they could have done--

“That’s not what I’m angry about,” Cerulean said. “It’s my fault they even know you’re still alive. I told them about the letter you sent, to tell me what had happened. I know you meant to come back for me, but maybe it’s better you didn’t.” 

Confused, Blue withdrew her magic, leaving the other with a warmed soul. “Then why are you angry?”

“My sister is  _ dead  _ , Haemina.” 

“Blue,” she corrected without thinking, cringing at the anger in the other’s expression. “I’m sorry.” 

“I’m here to kill you,” Cerulean said, and Blue looked in doubt at the other’s hollow eyes. 

“I’m not sure how you planned even to find me.” 

“I…” she sighed, rubbed her hands over her face. “I knew you’d come here. You mentioned soldiers finding you in your letter, so I thought I could ask some. I never thought you would become one. You were a queen, and… and a healer. I remember that you didn’t speak a word to me when I met you, and I remember being so surprised when Charity described you as being kind.” 

Despite herself, a smile lifted her lips. “Kind?”

“She loved you, Haem--  _ Blue  _ .” She spat the name like a curse, then softened, eyes losing their focus for a moment. “She really did.” 

Blue took a deep breath, grasped Cerulean’s hand and softly squeezed. “I loved her too, Cerulean. I live my life now not to take advantage of her sacrifice, but to honor it. Please…” 

Her hand pulled from Blue’s and she stared at her in the eyes. “If I killed you now, your people would destroy me, wouldn’t they?” 

“Cerulean…” she took a deep breath, steeled herself against what she was about to say. “If you tell them who I am,  _ I  _ will destroy you.”

For a long moment, they just looked at each other. Before either of them could speak, the flap lifted, and she heard Razz’s voice, lowered in concern. “I hear you were found by my lieutenants?” he asked, and Blue nodded as Cerulean just stared at him, forcing a smile onto her face and turning around. 

“Her name is Cerulean. I...I served alongside her sister. We…” she caught sight of Robyn, peeking into the tent at his back. Robyn knew very little of Blue’s false past, and she wasn’t about to volunteer new information. “We left the lord’s house together, and she didn’t make it. Cerulean came looking.” 

He hid his surprise well, not having known she had escaped with anyone at all. “My name is Razz, and I am the captain of this company. I can promise your safety among my soldiers. Are you in pain?” Razz asked, and Blue looked back to see that Cerulean’s face had fallen into something broken. 

“I…” She looked up at him, then back at Blue. “I didn’t know what had happened. Blue just told me.” 

Razz nodded, turned to nod to Robyn. “Thank you for fetching me.”  _ What?  _ “Would you mind allowing Cerulean to stay with the lieutenants? You can ask the others, as well, but--”

“I’m more than happy to give her my bed,” said Halle, stepping around Robyn and leaning against the inside pole of the tent. She was avoiding Blue’s eyes, and she slowly stood up straight. Damn it, she should have checked to make sure she really left--

“Thank you, ma’am,” Cerulean was saying, and Halle’s eyes softened as she looked at her. 

“Please. Call me Halle.” 

Blue shifted, and Halle finally seemed to focus on her. Faster than she could really comprehend, the other’s eyes hardened. 

~~~

Razz’s lips against hers was the greatest medicine she could hope to ask for, Blue thought. Her soul had been rolling since she’d left the tent, Halle leaving quickly before she could ask what she’d heard, if she’d heard anything at all. 

She was terrified, couldn’t stop thinking about it until the moment Razz had wrapped his arms around her. Tears were coaxed from her eyes, and she had cried against him for the better part of an hour. 

God, this was what she was risking. 

How could she have been so stupid, discussing it out in the open? Saying her old name, as good as admitting to being the very queen they were about to go to war over? 

“Blue,” Razz murmured, kissing her again. 

Her tears were finally drying, and she forced herself to laugh. “It’s been a long day, my love.” 

“None of us like being confronted by the past,” he said, running his fingers through her hair. “Yours even less than most.” 

Huffing, she pushed back on his chest, fingers curling into the cloth of his shirt as he lay back. She just looked at him for a moment. 

“I am lucky to know you.” 

Razz laughed, sitting up just enough to drag her down with him. “Blue, I think we should both count ourselves lucky that the gods have brought us together. I’m blessed to know you, too, and I love you with all my heart.” 

“Would you still, if I were--”

“Yes.” 

“You didn’t let me finish!” she laughed, propping herself up on her elbows. His dark hair was curling against his forehead, and she touched it lightly, savoring the softness. 

“I didn’t need to,” he said, shaking the curls out of her fingers and turning to press a kiss to her palm. “Whatever your past, it doesn’t change who you are now. Anything you could have done, you have more than made up for. I  _ love  _ you, Blue. That feeling is unconditional.” 

She leaned back into him, kissing him softly on the mouth, then the cheek, burying her face into his neck and feeling him wrap his arms around her. The funny part was, she thought he might even mean it. He was comfortable as she cuddled into his side, ignoring the fact that she was still wearing her boots, hadn’t yet cleaned her armor. She needed this. 

Even though she didn’t want to have to depend on anyone, she needed  _ him  _ . 

“I...I feel nice,” he sighed, and she felt his hands at her back. “Good, when I’m with you. You make me feel… whole. Like right now, when you held me? I felt so full of warmth.” 

All at once, she realized she was using her magic, lighting him up from the inside like she had with Cerulean. She almost stopped it, but then he exhaled, a deeply contented sound that made her smile. 

“Glad I could heat you up,” she said with a chuckle. 

She could practically feel him grin, the suspicion confirmed as he lifted her face to kiss her again. “Blue,” he murmured against her lips, and she pressed into him, finally letting herself let go of her worry. 

So many things could go wrong. But for now? She was bound to this man, and blessed beyond worlds to have him. Even if he didn’t know what he was talking about, what he was promising, she should savor her happiness while she had it. 

She kissed him again, deeper this time, and he groaned, hands going to her waist as she started to move over him. 

“We used the last of the herbs last night, sweetheart.” 

Shaking her head, she sat up, reaching for the ties of his tent and binding them tightly closed. He watched her in confusion, keeping ahold of her hand until she reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head and tossing it into a corner of his tent. 

“Think you can be careful?”

The answer, apparently, was no, and she was still snickering against his shoulder a few minutes after. More than a little annoyed with himself, he just huffed, pushing her to one side and murmuring a quiet, “Alright, alright…Should we get you a bath?”

“There  _ are  _ no baths here, are you gonna dunk me in a river?!” she laughed, and he groaned. 

“I may have to, unless you trust the odds.” 

Grinning, she pulled him down for a kiss. “I absolutely do not. Hand me my shirt, would you?” 

She stumbled a little as she emerged from the tent, laughingly shooting a salute to the door guards. It wasn’t the first time she’d wondered if they knew the events they were guarding, but they gave no sign as Razz followed after her, clasping her hand and addressing them quickly. 

“If anyone comes for either of us, tell them to direct to another lieutenant until our return.” 

“Trouble on the shore, captain?” One of them asked, and he shook his head with a smile. 

“No. We’ll be back shortly.” 

They walked through the soldiers, hand in hand, as Razz nodded quickly to the people they passed. As they reached the outskirts of the camp, he murmured, “That was stupid, wasn’t it?” 

“Absolutely,” she said, then smiled. “Less so, though, when the worst outcome is still a good one.” 

“I don’t want to stop being a soldier, for a child,” he said quietly. 

“Neither do I,” she said, then tugged him to a stop, looked up at him and rubbed a thumb over his cheek. “Neither of us would have to. We have friends and family aplenty, the coin to keep them cared for.”

He laughed, kept walking. His fingers worked at the buttons on his shirt as he said, “I should quite like to bring a child on patrol. Bring a little joy to the long days.” 

“They would not want for people to love them.” 

They reached the shore of a nearby river, Blue quickly stripping down and shivering as she waited for Razz to do the same. “This is going to be miserable, isn’t it? Why are you joining me?” 

“To share the punishment,” he grinned, tossing his clothes to the side and running for an overhang, leaping into the ocean with an undignified screech. 

Blue laughed heartily, following him and finding herself making a similar noise in reaction to the cold water. She surfaced, the cold air hitting her wet face and making her laugh with the discomfort. Razz treaded towards her with a grin, reaching out to pull her into his hold and pressing a kiss that tasted of river water to her mouth. 

She swam backwards, taking him with her until her feet touched the sand. The water seemed warmer with every moment spent inside it, especially as Razz pulled her in for a soft kiss that set her chest afire. 

Before she really thought about it, she lit her magic again, warming him easily and burrowing into his heated skin. Razz hummed, accepting the hug and smoothing his hands over her bare back. 

“Really?” 

Blue jumped as a familiar voice sounded behind them, spinning to peer through the dark over her shoulder. Halle stood on the shore, hands on her hips and looking at them in disgust. 

“Mind your eyes,” Blue called to her, and Halle scoffed. 

“My eyes have no temptation for either of you, as I think you very well know. My hands, however, have quite the temptation to steal your clothes and run, see where you knaves find yourselves, then!” 

“Lieutenant!” Razz said, trying to sound authoritative and failing miserably. 

“Captain,” Halle replied, unfazed. 

Blue could feel the fear cropping back up in her chest, considering getting out of the water just to avoid a confrontation. The last thing she needed was for Halle to say something now, in front of Razz. “We’re just bathing,” she explained, voice falsely bright. 

“I can see that,” Halle snorted. “I came down to do the same, but the last thing I want to hear is the two of you enjoying yourselves.” 

“Mmm…” Razz groaned loudly, burying his face into Blue’s neck and making her snicker despite herself. 

“Oh, come  _ on!  _ ” Halle called in frustration. “Blue, I can see your ass!”

“Then stop looking!” she replied, and to her utter relief, heard the other laugh as she waved them off, turning to leave them. 

Perhaps things weren’t so lost as she’d thought.


	7. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Halle stopped, still not saying anything, refusing to look at her. 
> 
> Blue couldn’t take it anymore. “Did you overhear something, when I was talking to Cerulean?” 
> 
> “Yes, Blue.”

“Lieutenant, may I ask for a moment of your time?” 

Blue jumped as she heard Halle’s voice, looking up from the man whose injury she was inspecting. He had slipped down an incline during a patrol, caught his leg on a rock. She wished she could just heal it, always did, but it wasn’t so much of a temptation these days. Her squadron had a healer who was more than competent. 

“Of course,” she replied, then spoke to the healer. “Update me when I return. I need to know if he will be fit to continue.”

She nodded, and Blue stood, following Halle as she led them towards the ocean. 

Nothing was said for a long time as Blue caught up with the other. They walked side by side until they were far from the earshot of the camp. Her heart began to pound, already having a feeling she might know what this conversation would be about. 

Finally, Halle stopped, still not saying anything, refusing to look at her. 

Blue couldn’t take it anymore. “Did you overhear something, when I was talking to Cerulean?” 

“Yes, Blue.” Halle’s voice was strained, and Blue was surprised to see tears beginning to well up in her eyes as her expression crumpled. “Yes, I… I am so sorry.” 

“...what?” 

“I’m sorry for what I said. That the queen was…” she looked back over her shoulder, grunted and wiped at her eyes. “I know very well that you are not weak.” 

This was nothing like what Blue had anticipated, sitting in fear in the dark. She had pictured a public confrontation, at the very least anger about her lies. 

“You’re not mad?” 

“Oh, I  _ was _ .” Halle huffed, sitting quickly on a rock and finally making eye contact as Blue joined her. “I was fucking pissed. You… you’re the lost queen?”

Blue nodded. There was no denying it, and she knew that. 

“You’re lying to everyone. There might be a war starting because you can’t be found, and you refuse to come forward to stop it. But then I remembered the way the queen was always described to me.” She reached out, pushed against the muscle of Blue’s arm. “Small and sad. Covered in burns and scars from a king with fire magic. Oh, how  _ dare _ she not want to return. How  _ dare _ my best friend, the woman I’ve known to be nothing but strong and assured, not want to leave her friends and go back to a life of misery. How could I possibly be angry at that?” 

Despite herself, Blue smiled, feeling her worry beginning to loosen. “I would understand it.” 

“Blue, you… damn it, you’ve been through shit I could never imagine. And there I was, telling you to your face that I didn’t respect you. I had better respect you. I had better respect that you’re in front of me at all.” She paused, glanced back at the camp again. “Does anyone know? Razz?”

Heart lurching, Blue shook her head. “He doesn’t. No one but Cerulean, and now you. I don’t want him to ever know, Halle, you can’t--”

“I have no intention of telling anyone.” 

“You can’t even hint at it,” she begged, curling her hands together in her lap. “Even Cerulean knowing... if anyone found out, I could be sent back. Your queen would send me back in a heartbeat, and she should, to save her people. But I  _ can’t _ .” 

“I might be able to handle Cerulean, keep her from telling anyone,” Halle said, the hand on her arm shifting to awkwardly rub Blue’s back. Blue raised a brow, and Halle blushed at the insinuation in her eyes. “How do you know her, really? She said her sister…?” 

“Her sister’s name was Charity, and she was my handmaiden,” Blue explained, any lightheartedness she’d had from the teasing gone in a moment. “She was…  _ everything _ . My only source of happiness, my only friend, my first love. She came to work in the castle when I was twenty, already married to the king. When I would get hurt, he wouldn’t allow me to heal it right away, so she would care for me, stitch my body together and mend my heart as best she could. I know that Cerulean doesn’t believe it, but her death…” Blue shook her head, voice breaking. 

The hand on her back disappeared, and she looked up to see Halle looking at her with distant anger in her eyes. There was no pity in her expression, and Blue breathed a sigh of relief. Now that she knew Halle wasn’t going to expose her secret, that had been her greatest fear. 

“What happened to her?”

“It was while we were escaping. She had saved all of her pay for a year without telling me, and bribed a night guard. We managed to sneak out, and I don’t know what happened, if someone discovered me missing, if the guard betrayed us… they found us, and they killed her.” She didn’t elaborate, unwilling to tell even Halle the sacrifice Charity had made for her.

“How did you get away?” Halle asked, seeming entranced with the story. 

Blue swallowed, then held out a hand. It took her a moment, but Halle accepted it, jumping when magic sparked against her skin. Blue watched as Halle’s appearance shifted, nose thinning and hair lightening. When she was finished, she let go of the other’s hand, and pointed to the water. “Look at yourself.” 

Blinking, Halle slowly stood, stumbling a little as she adjusted to the change in height. When she caught sight of her reflection, she froze, staring down into the water. “I… I look like you, just--.” 

“How I used to be,” Blue explained. “When I was Haemina. It would last forever, if I didn’t fix it.” 

Halle backed up a few steps, reaching back for Blue’s hand and still staring at herself. “Change me back.” As she did so, Halle’s eyes stayed locked on her reflection, seeming overwhelmed. Seeing Halle’s expressions on her own face made Blue vaguely uncomfortable, as did Halle’s voice coming out of her mouth. “You made Charity’s body look like you.” 

“Yes. They had their prize, didn’t care about catching the servant.” 

“Why do you still look the same?” Halle asked, finally pulling her eyes from the water. They were blue again, and her hair had already darkened from the platinum Blue’s had been, once. “Your face, I mean. I’d think you would have disguised yourself a hell of a lot more than you did, if that’s what you used to look like.” 

“I can’t change myself as much as I can other people,” she explained, shrugging. “I can only change the color of my hair and eyes, add a few inches in height. But I can heal myself more, so it’s a fair trade, I suppose. For other people it’s cuts, perhaps burns or broken bones, but I’ve brought myself back from the brink of death more than once.”

Halle’s eyes filled with sadness. “What else can you do?” 

Holding up a hand, Blue let the lights dance. They really were beautiful, she thought. There had been so many times she wished she could show them off to people she knew, share their beauty. She used to show them to the children she would treat, distract them from the pain with the pretty lights. Even adults would love to look at them, though. “These, and warmth.”

“That’s right,” Halle murmured, watching the lights with wide eyes. “You said the queen could warm people like a hug.” 

"Yes."

Shaking her head, Halle sat back down on the rock. “I can’t believe you let me have a broken arm for six months.”

“You kept re-breaking it!” Blue said in frustration. “Arms are only broken for a few weeks in a person who doesn’t  _ refuse _ to listen to a physician! It’s only because of me that you have use of that arm at all!” 

“So you  _ were _ healing it!” 

“Of course I was!” Blue smiled at the other’s victorious grin. “A little at a time, so you wouldn’t notice, and at night, since you sleep like the dead. You’re lucky you shared my house, or it likely would have never healed.”

“And what of your husband?” Halle asked, leaning forward to prop her elbows on her knees. “Do you heal him?” 

Blue laughed. “He’s only been my husband for a week, but I will, when he’s hurt.” She sobered, glancing at her feet. “I’ll warm him with my magic at night, and fight in his army. But I can’t tell him.” 

“Why not?” Halle’s voice was soft, but Blue still flinched. “He’s smitten with you, has been for some time. He wouldn’t give you over to the queen.” 

Quiet for a long moment, Blue struggled to put words to the feeling she’d been struggling with. “If anyone can understand not wanting to be pitied, it’s you, right?” She looked up to see Halle nodding. “He already does, for a lie about being a servant to a master with too much power. What would he think of me, knowing I was trapped in a marriage with a man who should have been sharing it? Knowing that I should have been able to save myself, and even in the end, someone else had to do the saving for me? Razz respects me. I don’t want that to change.” 

“Just for the record,” Halle murmured, “I don’t think it would.” 

Blue sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. “Please don’t tell him. Or talk about it with Cerulean. I beg of you.” 

“I won’t!,” she exclaimed, then narrowed her eyes. “And what makes you think I would talk about it with Cerulean?” 

“Oh,  _ Halle _ ,” Blue said, voice going low and sultry as she leaned into the other. “You would be more than  _ happy  _ for her to take your  _ bed _ .”

“Hey-- not like  _ that _ !”

~~~

The sound of hoofbeats snapped Blue from her daydreams, and she looked up just in time to see Timothy dismounting his horse. He grinned at her, keeping hold of the reins and giving a little bow. 

“Lieutenant.” 

“Oh, can it, what do you need?” Despite herself, she was smiling. She didn’t get to see enough of Timothy when they were out on patrols, the man’s main job being to run messages between Razz and the queen. He technically commanded the small group of messengers that helped with the communication between lieutenants and the captain, as well, but they took enough care on their own to not need much supervision, and Timothy was one of the most trusted of the queen’s messengers. They’d been out for about a week and a half, now, and Blue would be willing to bet that Timothy had spent nearly a week of that traveling. 

He never seemed to tire of it, though, a sentiment that was echoed in the way he softly petted his horse’s neck as he smiled at her. It only took Blue a few days of riding to never want to lay eyes on Bones again, as much as she loved him. 

“The captain is summoning all of his lieutenants. I brought a message that he wishes to relay to the four of you.” 

“Did you, now?” She raised a brow, and he shook his head. 

“Wait for the captain. You’re the last one I found, though, would you like a ride?” 

She looked doubtfully at his horse, and he snorted. “Willy can take a whole lot more than you and I on his back. You weigh about as much as a wet handkerchief.” 

“And you weigh as much as your grandmother’s pies, Timothy. Sometimes all it takes is the addition of a wet handkerchief.” 

Seeming confused by the combination of metaphors, he held out a hand. “Really, he’ll be alright. We’re not going far, and I won’t be riding out again until the day after tomorrow.” 

Sighing, Blue took the invitation, ignoring his hand to swing up onto the horse herself and waiting for him to climb up after her.

To her surprise, they trotted past the captain’s tent, and the table outside of it where they usually held their meetings with Razz. Instead, Timothy made for the copse of trees just outside the encampment, well out of the hearing of any soldier in the camp. They passed Robyn approaching on foot as they passed through the fringe of underbrush, and Blue heard her cough at the dust they kicked up. 

Willy tossed his head upon entering the clearing, nickering gently until Timothy patted his large head. Razz, Adrian, and Halle were already standing there waiting, and as Blue hopped down from the horse, Robyn entered at a jog. 

“Timothy!” she exclaimed, clearly annoyed by his wild riding, and he snorted, wheeling his horse around and waving. 

“Good luck to you!” 

Halle shook her head as he galloped off, exchanging a look with Robyn. “He’s truly a nuisance,” she commented, and Robyn laughed. 

“Lieutenants, this meeting is of the utmost secrecy. I would ask that we consider it as such,” Razz said, and the serious tone of his voice had all of them raising their brows, gathering in closely to hear what he had to say. Instead of speaking, however, he gestured to Adrian. “Tell them what your patrol found.” 

Nodding shortly, Adrian spoke, matching Razz’s tone. “My men came across the remains of a camp along the shore, about two miles to the west. It held at least twenty souls, recently vacated, and as we searched, one of my soldiers spotted a ship over the horizon.” 

“Timothy has just returned from delivering that news to the queen,” Razz said, eyes creasing. “We are to make the assumption that war truly is coming. That much, you can tell your men, for we have been ordered to stay for three more weeks.” 

Robyn groaned under her breath, and Razz’s mouth finally curved into a smile. At his expression, she grinned in apology. “Sorry, captain. I’m eager to return home.”

“As are we all,” Halle said quietly. “Why are we being asked to stay? If war is coming, wouldn’t we be more help among the bulk of the queen’s soldiers?”

Face dropping back into an expression of seriousness, Razz took a deep breath. “The queen is traveling here, to survey the situation herself.” At their shock, he held up a hand. “This is what you must keep absolutely secret. She is putting herself in danger for the good of her kingdom, and I expect the four of you to treat this information with the importance it deserves. I am telling you because you have earned my trust, and because she will need protection while she is here. Have you any questions?” 

“What can the queen do here that we can’t?” Adrian asked, and Blue nodded, having been about to ask the same thing. 

“I’m not entirely sure,” Razz admitted. “All she said was that there is a lesser-known piece to her powers that will apparently be useful.”

“She would know the lost queen, wouldn’t she?” Robyn asked, and Blue’s heart seized. Gods above, she was right. Blue couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to think of it, but Ysaine had seen her many times as Haemina. If she saw her, there would be every chance that she would recognize her, and Blue would be gone. Seemingly unaware of her turmoil, Robyn continued. “Perhaps she intends to look for her.” 

“Why would she do that on the far coast?” Halle asked irritably, and Blue caught her eye. Giving no sign that she’d made the connection, Halle reached up to rub her face. “This sounds suspicious, to say the least. It seems like a huge risk for very little reward. Would there be any chance of talking her out of it?” 

“Very little,” Razz said dryly. “Her royal highness is nothing if not stubborn, and she has made her decision. We must proceed on the assumption that she will be coming. Am I heard?” 

“Yes, captain,” they said in unison, Blue’s voice trailing slightly behind the rest. 

Razz nodded, accepting their words. “Then we must work out the logistics. I plan to give her my tent, and you will each hand-pick two soldiers assigned to guard the door. The queen will bring some of her own guards, but she wishes to travel in disguise, so it will be to our advantage to plan for--” 

Unable to concentrate, Blue let his voice reduce to a buzzing in the back of her head. Years. It’d been years since the last time she’d seen Ysaine. Blue may not look like an entirely new person, but perhaps between the passing time and the small adjustments she’d been able to make, Blue was changed enough to escape recognition. 

How had she gone so long with no one even suspecting her true identity, only to arrive here? It seemed to all be falling apart at once, with no break between dramatic reveals, and there was nothing she could do to avoid casting suspicion. 

All she could do was hope. 


	8. Just Messing Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s what you get for being horny on assignment,” Halle said, and the other two looked at her in disbelief. She glanced at them, then looked back to Blue. “I don’t take constructive criticism.” 

“Lieutenant, I can’t in good conscience allow this to continue!” 

Blue sighed, already knowing who stood behind her without even turning around. Randy was one of the foot soldiers under her command, and the man had an obsession with etiquette. To him, the greatest sin a soldier could commit was impropriety, and he was always coming to her with some dispute or another. It wasn’t supposed to be her job to humor him, but unfortunately, he served under Abel, and Abel, as a second, was somewhat useless. 

“Yes, Randy?” she asked, trying not to be immediately irritated. 

Footsteps rounded her, and she looked up to see the man in question staring down with his arms folded, glare creasing his brows. “The  _ fraternizing _ , Lieutenant!” 

He couldn’t possibly mean her. Blue had never been one to punish based on pride, but the absolute audacity of him questioning her relationship with his captain already had her prepared to assign him to horse duty. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, she asked, “What fraternizing?” 

Her tone made him pause, and for once, he seemed to stumble over his words. “The… those women, in Lieutenant Halle’s encampment. The ones I spoke to you about before.” 

Ah. Halle had charge over a few soldiers whose personal choices made even Blue question their conduct, at times. They could regularly be seen drinking late into the night, laughing uproariously, ducking behind bushes and trees to engage in who knows what. Blue was no saint, but at least she knew better than to compromise her senses while on assignment. From what she’d heard, Halle had started to crack down on that behavior pretty harshly, and she thought they’d seen the last of it. 

It was not often that Randy brought her something useful, but for once, she was interested. “What were they doing?”

“Drinking again!” he exclaimed, seeming very pleased with himself. She could only imagine how rare it must be for him to be asked to give  _ more _ information. The man’s wife must know everything there was to know about every person Randy had ever seen. He continued, voice rising a few increments in pitch. “They got ahold of some whiskey, and they were singing around their fire, and being  _ very _ inappropriate in full view of the other soldiers.” 

“Would you mind relaying this to their lieutenant?” Blue asked, slowly rising to her feet. When he didn’t answer, she raised a brow. “If I were to go and fetch her?” 

Quickly, he nodded. “Yes, of course!” 

“Thank you, Randy. Wait here.” This had to be the greatest day of his life. Not one, but  _ two _ commanding officers, ready and willing to hear his concerns. Blue smiled to herself as she crossed the encampment, passing Razz’s tent and raising a hand in greeting to his guards. The shared lieutenant’s tent was just beyond his, and while there was no guard, many of their soldiers took it upon themselves to set up their sleeping bags near the doors. There was something to be said of the loyalty of men serving under a kind captain. 

Blue stepped between the bags, pushing open the door to the tent and immediately pausing at the scene inside. 

It’d only been a few weeks since Cerulean’s arrival, and while it was obvious to any casual observer that she and Halle had been engaging in some sort of dance, she certainly hadn’t expected to find them locked in a kiss, Cerulean’s shirt unlaced to her ribs and Halle’s fingers smoothing over her chin. They broke apart abruptly, looking at her in shock, and she was suddenly overwhelmed with humor. 

“Sorry,” she said, stepping back and letting the tent flap fall closed. 

“Damn it, Blue!” Halle exclaimed from inside, and she couldn’t hold back her snorting laughter. Footsteps approached, and Halle whipped open the flap to glare at her. Her face was bright red, and Blue bit back her smile as she noticed the other’s untucked shirt. “What do you want??” 

“Those rabble rousers in your company,” she said, voice warbling as she tried not to laugh. “Randy said they have alcohol again, and he’d like to speak with you about some of their more…” her eyes dropped, giving Halle’s rumpled clothing an inspection before looking back to her flushed face. “Unprofessional activities.” 

Halle grumbled, stepping fully out of the tent and tucking her shirt angrily back into her pants. “I’ll take care of it. I’d ask you not to repeat what you saw.” 

“Of course not,” Blue said, feigning offense. “I do have a question, though.” 

“What?” 

Blue placed a hand over her heart, doing her very best to project earnest confusion. “Where’s my kiss?” 

“Oh, fuck you.” Halle stormed off, flipping her off behind her head as she went, and Blue snorted again. She was highly entertained by the other’s retreating back, shoulders held ramrod straight as though if she held herself tensely enough, the embarrassment would flee in fear. 

“Who are you to judge?” came a voice from the entrance to the tent, and Blue’s smile fell. She looked back to see Cerulean, shirt tied closed and arms tightly folded. 

“Halle and I are friends,” Blue said quietly, silently thanking the gods that none of the soldiers were close enough to hear them. “If I am judging anyone, it’s certainly not her.” 

Cerulean scoffed. “You certainly can’t fault me for seeking security. I hear you and your captain have quite the arrangement.” 

“I am  _ married _ to the captain,” Blue growled. “And so help me, Cerulean, if you are using Halle for her protection, rest assured that you will find yourself on the end of my sword.” She was tired of this. Tired of being blamed, tired of feeling constantly threatened. Cerulean was here for nothing but trouble, and Blue’s growing anger was only held at bay by the very fact that Halle cared for her. Without that, Blue would have had her sent back to King’s Hill without delay. Even as it was, she would often try gently suggesting it. 

“She’s kind, unlike you,” Cerulean spat. “Perhaps I should tell her of your threats, and she would protect me. I get the feeling she would love to fight for a woman in danger.” 

“Oh, you’ve not seen threats,” Blue said under her breath. 

“And so what if I care for her or not? Halle’s smart enough to tell the difference. Not that it matters, but I  _ do _ like her. How much would she like you, if she knew who you were?” 

Blue blinked, more than a little surprised. She had assumed that Halle would have spoken about it with her new lover, if only to ask her more about her intentions. “Save your breath,” she finally shot back. “You may be in her bed, but I’ve been her best friend for four years. You don’t have the power that you think you do.” 

“Don’t I?” she lifted her chin. “Your whole life hangs in the balance of what I know.” 

“And yours lies in the balance of what you say,” Blue said. “Charity may have described me as being kind, but that was a different time, in a different world, when I had nothing left to lose. Continue to threaten that, and you’ll see what I’ve become.” 

“Oh, and Charity would be so proud to hear that,” Cerulean spat. “It’s good to know what she died for.” With that, she went back into the tent, and Blue was left standing alone. 

She looked up to the sky, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Cerulean was angry. She had no idea what she was talking about.

And yet, Blue couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.

~~~

The cold water made Blue shiver, grinning with laughter as she watched her companions. She’d come to the river to bathe, and had shortly been joined by Robyn and Halle, who were now daring each other into the water like children. 

“It’s not that bad, you idiots,” she called up to the shore, and Robyn screeched as Halle tried to push her in. 

“If it’s not that bad, why are you shaking?” Halle called, and Blue grinned. 

“Oh, that? Excitement.” She treaded forward, unable to stop another shiver as she tried to splash the two of them. “Come in, it’s practically bathwater!” 

“Did you bring soap?” she heard Halle ask Robyn, and Robyn nodded. “Then you go first.” 

“Why the fuck didn’t you bring soap when you were coming to bathe?” 

Halle started to respond, but before she could, Blue swept her arms over the surface of the water, finally managing to douse them both and laughing at their outraged cries. They both swore loudly as the air met the freezing water, and Halle finally came at the water in a run, jumping in all at once and yelping at the feeling. 

“Isn’t it nice?” Blue asked with a grin, and Halle raised a brow, swimming towards her. Blue laughed again, trying to tread backwards and avoid her, but before she could get more than a few feet, Halle grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her under the water. Blue shot to the surface for a gasp of air, trying to escape as she cried, “Mercy, mercy!” 

“You’re an asshole, Halle!” Robyn supplied, jumping in place for a moment before she finally seemed to work up her courage, jumping into the water with a similar yell to Halle’s. “Fuck, it’s cold!” 

“Why do the gods hate us?” Halle mourned, still half-drowning Blue. 

With another gasping breath, Blue managed to wrap an arm around her shoulders, flipping the other and splashing water into her face. “The gods don’t hold half the punishment I do!” 

“That’s a bit sacreligious,” Halle gasped, stroking back a few feet as she tried to get the water out of her nose. Her hair was plastered to her face, and she shoved a few strands out of her eyes, blinking up at the sky. 

“What are you looking for?” Robyn called, halfway through untangling her soap from its cloth as she followed Halle’s gaze up. “A personality?” 

Halle responded with a splash of water, still squinting upwards. “I’m telling the sun to do its job.” 

“Why would the sun listen to the likes of you?” Blue asked in disbelief, holding herself in place long enough to throw her own soap to the shore. She’d originally intended for this to be a peaceful experience, but the moment her friends showed up, she’d known that was an impossible dream. Adrian usually joined them, his hulking presence doing more to dissuade their soldiers from disturbing the few hours of break they all had than anything else they'd tried. He must be on his way, or the other two would have said something. 

“I’m not a sinner,” Halle responded, nodding to herself. 

“You? Not a sinner?” Robyn said, shivering a little as she washed herself. “I’ve personally seen more than a few of your sins, not least of all with your damsel in distress.” 

Halle looked at her abruptly, brows coming together as a protest flew from her mouth, but Blue sighed, turning to float peacefully on her back as she said, “Don’t be silly, Robyn. Cerulean’s shirts just have a tendency to unlace themselves in Halle’s presence. It’s a common phenomenon, with the women who come into our home.” 

“Who’s dick is bigger, Blue, yours or the captain’s?” Halle asked, trying to splash her and missing completely. “Since you seem to have the entirety of yours up your own ass.” 

“I don’t find him to be lacking,” Blue said, ignoring the second sentence in favor of shooting the other a wink. 

Halle made a retching noise, but Robyn laughed, suddenly appearing over her as Blue floated into her vicinity. “I have to wonder about his capabilities,” Robyn said, grin splitting her face. “He’s such a sweet man, I feel as though his skills in the bedroom must fall to the wayside. No man checks all the boxes.” 

“I may have found the exception.” 

“You’re all awful,” Halle commented. “Men are disgusting.” 

“You’re disgusting, and you’re not a man,” Blue said, finally flipping over and swimming out of Robyn’s personal space. “I don’t think you can comment on anyone’s hygiene when you don’t even bring soap to bathe.” 

“I’m gonna use Robyn’s.” At Robyn’s doubtful look, Halle grinned. “Because she’s a kind and wonderful human being who shares with her friends.” 

“I’d love to share with my friends, if I had any in the vicinity,” Robyn said, and Blue snorted. 

“Ah, here comes Adrian,” Halle said, a grin cropping over her face. “Perhaps he will find the kindness in his heart to provide for a true companion.” 

“You could have just brought your own soap.” 

“I forgot to pack any.” 

“See?” Blue gestured to her, then returned Adrian’s wave. “Disgusting.”

As he started to undress, Robyn sighed, and they both turned to see her staring down at herself in consternation. “I swear, I’m going to bleed out. My insides are turning against me.” 

“If you need it, I packed some cinnamon!” Adrian said, and they all jumped, looking up to find him already beside them. Seeming not to notice their surprise, he continued. “My daughter says it’s very effective to treat the monthly pain, and a few of my soldiers have made use of the advice.” 

“You always prove me wrong, Adrian,” Halle said, and he looked at her in confusion. 

“What?”

“Nothing. Blue, are you okay?” 

They all turned to face her, and Blue jumped, torn from her panicked counting to find them all watching her in concern. She realized her face must have fallen, and she tried to school it into an expression of indifference. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“C’mon,” Robyn said, swimming a little closer and raising her brows in a question. “You know you face no judgement here.” 

Blue blinked, staring down at herself for a long moment before she murmured, “I’m late.” 

“Can’t hear you, man,” Halle said, splashing her lightly and giving her an impatient expression. Behind her eyes, there was concern, but Blue got the feeling Halle would have died before admitting it. 

“I-I… haven’t had mine. I was supposed to, a few weeks ago. I just realized.” 

They all stared at her in shock, treading water slowly as she realized just how strange this scene must be to an unfamiliar eye. She prayed no one was watching. 

“Do you think you’re--” Halle stuttered, then stopped, the worry that she’d been hiding jumping to the forefront. “I mean… have you been taking any herbs?” 

“We ran out,” Blue said quickly, cursing their stupidity. “It didn’t seem like a big deal, but… Fuck, sorry.” She let out an embarrassed laugh, and Robyn snorted, reaching out to clasp her shoulder. 

“It’s fine, Blue. Even if we weren’t your friends, this is the kind of thing it’d be important to know.” 

“Are you going to tell the captain?” Adrian asked, and Blue just stared at him for a long moment. 

“I don’t know. Please don’t repeat this.” 

“We won’t,” Halle said, “But do you need to… do anything about it?” 

“You’d make a wonderful mother, Blue,” Adrian said gently. “If that’s something you’re worried about.” 

Blue snorted, heart lightening by an increment as she saw the other two grin. “Oh, please.”

“And the captain would be delighted to hear,” Robyn said. “He loves you.” 

“He  _ adores _ you,” Halle snorted, swimming towards her so she could pat her other shoulder. The physical affection felt odd, coming from Halle, but Blue still appreciated the thought. “And he seems to like children. If you want it, he’ll want it.” 

“I do,” she said quietly, and Halle snorted. 

“Of course you do. You’re a sap.”

“And you’re a hooligan,” Blue shot back, but she heaved a deep sigh, shrugging the other two off and giving Adrian a smile in response to his worried expression. “It’s okay. I don’t even know for sure, and if I am, it’s okay. We knew the risks, and we did it anyway.” 

“That’s what you get for being horny on assignment,” Halle said, and the other two looked at her in disbelief. She glanced at them, then looked back to Blue. “I don’t take constructive criticism.” 

“How about just some insults, then?” Robyn asked, and Halle splashed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [Tumblr!](http://witsyo.tumblr.com)


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